Love, Life & Late Nights: Marriage, Kids, Intimacy & Therapy | Ain’t No Manual

There’s truly no manual for love, marriage, and parenting — especially after kids enter the picture.

In this episode of Ain’t No Manual, the guys dive deep into Love, Life & Late Nights, having an honest, unfiltered conversation about marriage after kids, intimacy struggles, therapy, mental health, and what it really takes to keep love alive.

From missing anniversaries and interrupted intimacy to jealousy, exhaustion, and learning how to prioritize your partner again, this episode speaks directly to parents and couples who feel stretched thin but still want their relationship to survive — and thrive.

We talk about:

• Why kids don’t “fix” relationships
• How parenting strains intimacy and connection
• The importance of therapy (especially for men)
• Finding balance between marriage and parenting
• Why intentional time matters more than grand gestures
• Relearning how to choose your partner again

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unseen, or disconnected in your relationship — this conversation is for you.

🎧 Listen. Reflect. Share.
Because love doesn’t come with instructions.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:08

Ain't no manual. We back. We back in the building. We got another nice one for you tonight. Love, life, and late nights. Oh man. What do you think that means? Let's just get into it about our partner. They play a pivotal role in all that we do. And I want I know it's a thin line. We can't step too far left or right. But we gotta first who are we? I'm Trey. I'm Ron. I'm Chris. We are loving fathers and partners. That's a great I like that. We are in the wives. This is for our wives. And in love with our partners. Absolutely. They are being nothing but great. Okay, let's cut the chase. We love y'all, but it ain't been easy. Nah, it ain't. Let's keep it 100. Let's keep it 100 here. It's been a lot, especially when you introduce kids into the fold. Absolutely. Me and my wife, hey, sorry, babe, but air night, getting it on, being romantic, talking to each other dirty.

SPEAKER_03: 1:18

Not dirty talk.

SPEAKER_00: 1:20

Dirty talk. Dirty talk. All of that. Dirty to nasty. When these kids came to the time. I think we both was giving each other the side eye. Yeah. We didn't like each other half the time. Still don't a lot of the times. And I think a lot of it has to do with the kids. Yeah. But um, we're trying to balance it off. I love my wife. That's no lie. Of course, yeah. I love my kids. That's no lie. Of course. Of course. When you put them together, it's a whole nother other thing, right?

SPEAKER_03: 1:50

Right, right. I think um, yeah, man. If you think you're gonna get into a relationship and you have a kid and that's gonna make your relationship better. No, man. It's not. No, absolutely not. A kid does not make a relationship better at all. It only adds stress.

SPEAKER_01: 2:04

I'm gonna tell you how how crazy it gets, right? I just celebrated, we just celebrated our 11th anniversary, right? Okay. Shout out to my wife, Lauren. Shout out. 11 years strong, right? Yeah. Our anniversary, we spent the first part at the football field at a flag football game with my daughter. Right. Now this is our anniversary now, right? Right, right, right. We spent the second part at home cooking dinner. Not just for me and her, but for everybody.

SPEAKER_04: 2:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 2:29

Alright? So we finally get some time alone. Like we close the door, lock the door, and trying to get some alone time. And we get like 30 text messages from my daughter, like, hello, hey, mom, mother, dad, where y'all at? You there? Like that just that was that was our anniversary. So just imagine trying to figure out how to navigate time and and and be able to get away with just me and her. It's tough, you know what I'm saying? But it has to be done.

SPEAKER_03: 2:56

I think that Wim. Man, it's tough to talk about. But I know my daughter was born. Um, my wife, she really wanted a daughter. You know what I'm saying? So I gave her a daughter because of I have that kind of power.

SPEAKER_04: 3:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 3:12

You have that some kind of way. But we had her, and and I never seen somebody with as much joy as my wife had when she when Callie came out because it's like she just been kind of looking for this purpose. And you know, the biggest thing I feel like sometimes for a woman is that motherly nature is the next thing they can do is procreate, right? Yeah. So with that being said, you know, a lot of attention went on. Yes. My daughter, right? Yeah. And then sometimes you got jealousy. No, no, no, no, no. Because I was just in love with my daughter as well. Okay. But both of us were focused on our daughter, and then we start focusing on each other. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01: 3:52

But I'm asking that because my wife, like, again, she um, with me and my daughter, we have a special relationship. Like, we have a our our bond is a little different. She's the baby, she's the girl. Right. So quite naturally, we grab she I gravitate towards the the baby. Right. So my wife always be like, you show her more attention than you don't show me. And when she got here, you, you know, it's all about Kari, Kari, Kari. Which, and sometimes I I I I do see it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But just to speak on it, do do y'all have that same, like I know y'all have daughters. Yeah. So do y'all wives feel like sometimes, hey, I'm here, I'm over here. Like, but you because you're so much attention.

SPEAKER_00: 4:32

First of all, I'm in therapy. All right. No joke. I'm in therapy. For real. We are investing in therapy. Yeah. And about 75% of that, when we start talking to our therapists and going through this and that, yeah, it's the kids. It's the kids. First of all, we got two girls that sleep in the bed with us. Okay. So it's no intimacy. Like we gotta sneak off. I'm sorry, babe, I'm telling our business. We gotta sneak off and be in the most uncomfortable situations to be intimate. So that means the bathroom, the bathroom floor, all this stuff. But on top of that, we really have to tell each other this almost daily. We are not enemies. The kids are. They are enemies. They manipulate us, they mess up all the special moments. We're going on six years, September 19th. Yeah. Oh, shoot, sorry. September 17th. Oh, but edit that. Nah, I remembered it. Because I I caught myself nobody had a tail. Oh, all right. Don't edit it.

SPEAKER_01: 5:36

Hey, give a boy some credit.

SPEAKER_00: 5:38

December 17th, it'll be six years. Nice. And it's been so much going on. And it's mostly the kids. Like they learn how to push our buttons. Yeah. They learn that if one says no, how to get the other one cornered to get whatever they asked. And then act like they're oblivious to what really happened and what they already asked the other person. So we're really going through therapy. This is something really, really big. I know I'm laughing, but it's just it hurts. I know she gives me these ugly looks, but not because of something I did, but I'm sure I look disgusting to her. Because I don't do the changing or the diapers. I don't do all that crap. And she's looking at me like, why don't you just get that? Yeah. And I just don't because they frustrate me so much I can't even think straight. I always look for a way to get out of the house. Get away. You know what I'm saying? But guess what I found? What?

SPEAKER_03: 6:33

Like me and my wife went to New Orleans to force birthday. Um, and Callie didn't go, you know. Uh he kept Callie. And uh I noticed when we are together by ourselves on like a trip or something like that, like we forget how much fun we had in the city. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 6:52

It's like I forgot who you were. Like, I forgot we really used to have fun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 6:56

So like I think you just gotta find those moments. You gotta find it some kind of way. But that balance, like I want to do.

SPEAKER_01: 7:03

It's so hard to balance balance so hard, bro. Like you'll you'll you'll look up and it's been two, three weeks for y'all even went on a date and you like, ah, bro. So like so when we do get those moments, like we just got enough for our anniversary, like we like, oh man, like I love you. Like, I love you too. Like I feel that that that connection again.

SPEAKER_03: 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 7:22

But it's it'd be so far in between. Not saying that you don't out love my wife all the time, but you know, that connection just be tough to get when everything's focused on kids, kids, kids. A little bit of us in between, kids, kids. So you gotta kind of, I say you gotta, but that balance so hard to find.

SPEAKER_00: 7:40

Like, I still ain't figured that out. We trying, bro. You know how bad it is? I think about this all the time. We didn't have a honeymoon, we had a family moon. Do you know how that is, bro? The family came with us. I can imagine. And they're so excited, and I'm just looking at my wife like, why are they here? Yeah, what and we still haven't had a honeymoon. Yeah. Like when my second daughter was born, so you know, that's about a two and a half year first, the three-year-old, she's three now, and then the other one. We hadn't been on a solo date for almost two years. She breastfeed both of them, or was breastfeeding both of them. The youngest one still breastfeeding. She's a year and a half. Like, we hadn't been out together for two years alone. Yeah. Anytime I took her to the most expensive, nicest restaurants, yeah, it's one on the teeth. Wherever we go, once going. Like, this is what we've been through, bro. Like, on the teeth. Yeah, bro. Like, I this is something sensitive to me, man. This is sensitive. Yeah, that's mine. You know what I mean? My teeth, just as much as it's stole the teeth. So that's what we go through, man. That's tough. Like, I pray y'all don't have to go through the same thing. I don't wish that on my worst enemy, bro. It sounds like we're bashing the kids, but we not. You know what we're doing? We need people out there to understand.

SPEAKER_03: 8:57

The parents aren't healthy. No. When the kids aren't gonna be healthy, we need to be in a good state of mind. Facts mental.

SPEAKER_00: 9:05

Everybody, oh, that's jokes, your baby's so cute. No, it's not cute. There ain't nothing cute about this shit. I see her face every day. Yeah, she's cute, but this ain't cute. This ain't healthy, this ain't right. So, fellas, ladies, all y'all get in therapy, man, because I know y'all ain't okay. Especially if y'all don't think going through. It's not okay. Take it from him, it's not okay.

SPEAKER_01: 9:27

For real, man. And on that token, like, just try. Like, man, I know it's hard. Like, yeah, because I still ain't figured out. Yeah. But try to figure out, hey, this is what on Friday, every two weeks on Friday, we hope. This is what we're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Like, no matter what's going on, we stern about it. We leaving y'all, y'all standing at home. You know what I'm saying? You gonna watch them, like the who the who the oldest? All right? You can babysit them like we going.

SPEAKER_00: 9:54

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big deal. I can't even see that far down the tunnel, bro. It comes so fast, bro. It happens so fast. It happened fast. Well, clap to y'all. Still gonna deal with that.

SPEAKER_03: 10:04

Y'all my idols. I mean, you still gonna deal with stuff at five years, seven years, twelve, twenty. I mean, you're right.

SPEAKER_00: 10:11

It just but it try not to let it get stale. You know what I'm saying? Trying to trying to keep it. Ah, man. Remember what you got into it in the first place, for like I always remember those moments. Like, why did I even get into this relationship? Yeah. You remember the times when she was your best friend. Still is, but it's a little different. Just remembering the intimacy before then, it can come again. Yeah. Like I'm getting older and staying in the gym, so you know, it's gonna be good with my whole time and I can last. You know, all that type of stuff.

SPEAKER_03: 10:40

To be honest, my my actually, like, my wife looks better now in my mind than she did when I first met her. I say that all the time. And I'm not sure. I don't know what it is. I don't think it's like, I don't know, maybe because I know her more now, and it's just more than just surface level.

SPEAKER_00: 10:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 10:58

And then they get they start worried about little stuff. I'd be like, babe, I'm not, I don't care about it. But they still get it. Yeah, I don't care about that.

SPEAKER_00: 11:03

Yeah, my wife is insecure. You think I don't like certain parts of her body? I'm like, I love that. Yeah, yeah. I don't that that doesn't phase me.

SPEAKER_03: 11:10

Well, that's I think that's all all women though. Yeah, they never really kind of I mean, that's why the beauty industry is what it is, right?

SPEAKER_01: 11:17

Facts, facts, facts. They got y'all fooled. They got y'all fooled though. A lot of that stuff like that. We don't like we like I like all the whatever that is.

SPEAKER_03: 11:26

A lot of alteration women, we kind of laugh. I'm just I'm not even gonna go that far.

SPEAKER_00: 11:31

Yeah, so just be real. Some of that stuff. Yeah, but some of it ain't cute. We gotta say it now. Yeah, we got to, man. Like I love my woman. Natural, doing her thing, be comfortable. That's it. Yeah. I'm glad we touched on this, man. I it I had to get a lot off my chat. I see. Hey, I'm glad. This is what we're here for. We're hurting. We had to do it.

SPEAKER_03: 11:50

But one thing I'm glad for you that you were in therapy, and I think that's one of those topics that like people are afraid to admit people are afraid to talk about, but therapy is it saved my relationship.

SPEAKER_00: 12:01

Especially great. Especially us, like men. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 12:04

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 12:05

Oh, you know, men don't want to talk about things. Especially black men too. Say it. Black men don't want to do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It ain't the cool thing to do. Like, yeah, I've even, I'm not gonna call no names, but I've even had women say, oh, we don't do therapy. We we take care of it in the house and with the family. That doesn't make sense. Your family knows you, they already got a bias. Exactly. Get somebody who don't know you. Unbiased opinion. Yeah, unbiased opinion, man. Change that. That that stuff right there, it to me, honestly, it sounds stupid. It is stupid.

SPEAKER_03: 12:33

And therapy is they're there to give you tools to be able to deal. They're not judging, they're not even telling you what to do. They're just giving you tools to be able to work out different problems.

SPEAKER_01: 12:44

Let me ask you this. Well tell me what was the last date that you could remember, like that that was very meaningful to you. Like, what was the last date?

SPEAKER_00: 12:51

By myself or with my wife?

SPEAKER_01: 12:52

No, just you and your wife. It it's he said by myself.

SPEAKER_00: 12:56

Oh, he said meaningful moments. With you and your wife. With you and my mom. Oh, meaningful dates. Yeah, dates. One of the best ones we did, but it wasn't just me and my wife, Dane. I can remember our trip the last time, and Dane, this really don't count either because she was pregnant. But we did a trip to Iceland. Nice. And that was probably the best trip I ever had in my life. Just me and her, no kids crying. She was pregnant and got a little tired and you know, exhausted. It was just you and her though. But it was just me and her. Yeah. And we just explored and talked every night and woke up laying next to each other, didn't worry about food, no phones, no nothing. It was just me and her. We were trying to get back to that. I'm sorry, baby, it's been so long.

SPEAKER_03: 13:34

Um, man. I I was damn, that don't count either because Callie was with us. Um see, that's what I'm saying. It's so hard to remember the cards. I was gonna say Callaway Gardens, um, but Callie was with us. Um I don't know. I can't I can't really remember. That means that we need to go out on a date. That's what that would that mean. I don't know what camera to look at, but we're coming home back.

SPEAKER_00: 14:00

We don't need to be the people doing the daycare, but we need to dump all our kids. Find some of the things. And then we just go with our women. Shout out to Christina Browner. We used to um that was smart. I wish she got more support because my kids will be there right now. Right now.

SPEAKER_01: 14:18

I would have to say for me, uh, I wouldn't even say a specific time, like, it'd be more simple for me. Like my wife is very like, I she say this word all the time, intentional, right? Yeah, like something being intentional. Like, it ain't gotta be us going on a trip or going flight. We can just be getting a room, uh, me and her alone, eating pizza, yeah. Like her favorite food, make sure she got her favorite wine, like, you know, just making sure I'm intentional about her needs and what she wants. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03: 14:47

Now that you said that, we did have a staycation. See? Like, I'll pass like downwoody out of that area. Got a nice, nice suite. And this called those. And then we kind of hung around like, you know, how they have like the legislation type area where you go find walking food or shower.

SPEAKER_00: 15:03

But that's all you need. That's all we had so much. Don't oh, don't overthink it, guys, ladies, don't overthink it. It's the simple things, right? Yeah. Be intentional. Be intentional. You know what I'm saying? But we we we gotta like we we saying all this to say that y'all need to make these efforts, man, to really pour into the person you say you love. Get rid of the kids. No, I'm just playing. But really, really, like, figure out a system. Like, it's time that the kids need to be without their parents. They get too attached to it. That's not a good thing. Yep. Like, fine stuff. Like, don't be afraid to send your kids to weekend camps and stuff like that. No, seriously. Like, there's some safe faces. Like, everybody's not after to do some harm to your kids. Your kids need time alone too. Like, they do not need to be up under their parents.

SPEAKER_01: 15:54

And that helps them with, you know, maturing.

SPEAKER_00: 15:56

Being able to break away from the case.

SPEAKER_03: 15:57

Navigate from eventually they're gonna have to be around the people.

SPEAKER_00: 16:01

But it's the king and queen first. Y'all sit on y'all's thrones, then it's the kids. Don't get it twisted. Don't not know where. Me and my wife had to really talk. Like, we come before our kids. Got too. We love them to death. We've even played the game, like, hey, if we're on the boat and only you can save one person. I honestly say my wife. And I said, baby, I love my kids, but we can continue and make more kids. No, seriously. But I can never get another you. Yeah. I can never replace my wife. Unless she just sat there and said, get the kids, I'm going for my wife. And that's that's that's that's really me.

SPEAKER_03: 16:37

I'm gonna be honest. I got, I'm, I'm getting Cali. I gotta go get Cali, man. My daughter, I gotta go get it. Hey, I get it. I get it. Trade on Lydia's like he's 21 years old. Yeah. My wife, we had a good run. I need I gotta get my Cali out there water.

SPEAKER_01: 16:52

So I'm just gonna be honest. I'm not even gonna pick because of that. That beef I get that guy going on. You gotta go home. You'll just make it work. Yeah, you gotta do it. You just make it worse. I think she's gonna be.

SPEAKER_00: 17:01

Look, I think she knows, but we'll just say, I won't chew. My daughter can't win my ass right now, but my my wife gotta fight in the chance. Right. I'm sticking with her.

SPEAKER_03: 17:10

A little more let it done, but she but how how guilty she gonna make me feel if I don't if I don't rescue the baby. What kind of life is that gonna be? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 17:19

But you'll figure it out when you get pathetic, right? You know what I'm saying? Hey, fit check. What you got? What you got though? Fit check. So I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it real. Like these shoes. They look comfortable now. They do look comfortable. Under they like rescue shoes. Yeah, and then see-through and stuff, all that cool. I love these pants. I don't know where I got them. I ain't gonna say no brands until y'all start paying them. Yeah, I hate it. But comfortable under$50. Bamboo. Bamboo. Bamboo. Never feel. Never feel.

SPEAKER_03: 17:50

Light skin jeans. Believe shirt that I got from New Orleans from this um this guy who uh supporting uh black business. The guy just sold it to me. Feels good, got this kind of like good material here. Is that velvet too? Crushed velvet, yeah. But uh Atlanta Hawks hat, man. You know I'm from the city, so you know it.

SPEAKER_01: 18:10

Uh me, you know me. I'm gonna have some off. Some have have some on the feats now. Uh George Sevens, yeah, Hawk shorts, the match, you know, like my boy got my Hawk's hat. Uh, you know, just plain black tea. You know, the numbers. I never me neither. I'm a I'm a connoisseur. Yeah, I don't know. Like a one like how y'all connoisseur a one wine connoisseur. I'm a I'm a shoe connoisseur. Okay. A concierge if you may. I got a bunch of shoes, but I don't know none of the numbers. None of none of the numbers.

SPEAKER_00: 18:35

I'm not doing that. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_01: 18:37

Dad tip? Dad tip. Um, dad tip. Let you you know, you usually it works through you. It does.

SPEAKER_03: 18:44

Dad tip for this episode. Um prioritize. Oh, yeah. So it goes into what we were talking about. Prioritize your happiness. Prioritize you and your your mates, your old lady's time, your kids' time. Some things you can't prioritize because they just gonna happen. Yeah. But when they do happen, you still can fit inside of the time slot. There you go. You know, so prioritize, prioritize and prioritize some more, and you should, you know, everybody should be happy.

SPEAKER_00: 19:13

You heard it from the roster dominance. Let them move through themselves. Let them move through. You heard it there. Yeah. Thank you for tuning in with us again. Again. Keep coming back. Keep coming back to our podcast. Keep coming. What's our podcast? Ain't no manual. Ain't no manual. Ain't no manual to this. Thank you again for sticking with us. Check in with us. All our info below. We got everything. Tap in this time. Tap in. Follow. Peace.