Who Taught You How to Be a Man? | Fatherhood, Culture, Music & Raising Kids in the AI Era — Ain’t No Manual Podcast

Ain’t No Manual Podcast — Episode: “Who Taught You How to Be a Man?”

In this candid episode, the Ain’t No Manual hosts,  Trey, Ron, and Chris break down the real influences that shaped them — from fathers and coaches to music, peers, and Atlanta culture. They explore how manhood is learned, where it goes wrong, and what today’s kids are facing in a world of AI and social media.
A layered, honest, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation every man (and parent) needs.

This episode is layered, real, vulnerable, and hilarious but also deeply important.

Ain’t No Manual - we’re figuring it out together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:08

And we're back again. We here. We here. We got here. Let's do it. This episode is special. Who taught you how to be a man? Taught you how to be a man. We gotta be real with ourselves. We can't just say our fathers, like who raised us? From the streets to the music to whatever. But first, let's introduce ourselves. I'm Trey. I'm Ron. I'm Chris. Back again. Same team as usual. We ain't going nowhere. My brothers. But let's get into it. Let's go. Who wants to go first?

SPEAKER_02: 0:39

I say, like I said, man, it's kind of layers to that question, right? Like who raised us, you know what I'm saying? And who taught us how to be a man? I mean, you know, for me, of course my father, but if we're going a little deeper than that, I mean, coaches. Like, I'm a coach now, and I I I feel like I got a hand in, you know, molding young minds, molding the kids to be who they want to be, and you know, showing them a path. Um, so for me, like I had coaches, like when I was playing Rick Ball and AAU basketball and track, like all them, all them people kind of had a hand in, you know, building me or molding me into what I came to be today, you know what I'm saying? That's real. Or even push me into the direction, like that's why I taught and coached, coached Austin in young middle school. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That dude was the coolest dude. Taking it back now. You know what I'm saying? But but he he was uh had a big influence on you know what I wanted to do when I grew up. Like I always thought back, like I wanted to be that cool coach. You know what I'm saying? I had to fly kicks on, and you know what I'm saying, I was relatable to the kids. Mr. Andrew, remember?

SPEAKER_00: 1:39

You know what I'm saying? Miss Andrews was a coach. Nah, I'm just saying. But we all remember him, and he's all had him. He always had a pass him on the road on Cascade sometimes. Yeah, yeah. I no disrespect. I wasn't a good player. I ain't listened to my coach. That's probably why I didn't go out. That's right. But I must not have had good coaches. I mean, yeah, good coaches. Right. And that's I still think that's a part of me being raised. I mean, authority was an issue for me growing up. Right. But I had to learn. Um but I let I let you keep going. Who uh what about you?

SPEAKER_01: 2:11

Uh I mean, of course my dad. My dad was awesome. Um my granddad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Um but I learned from peers too. I know that might sound weird, but I learned I learned from peers. Um I hung around with a special group of people that were super smart, um, going in different directions. And they kind of showed me like how a man is supposed to be. Not just one thing that has to be kind of versatile. Um another thing is like circumstances. If we if we get in like off of people, but like circumstances teach you how to be a man. True. You know, you get fight or flight when you get in certain situations. You know, so you know being a being a father taught me how to be a father. Exactly. You know, I knew one thing though, as soon as you know my son opened his eyes for the first time, I just knew right then what I wanted to be. Yeah you know, and I think being a father is a choice. It is, yeah. It's a choice because a lot of men choose not to do it. And I'm, you know, that's sad, and I'm not I'm not gonna down them. And different people have different circumstances, but I'm not talking about the ones that are what people are keeping the kids from and things like that. Go down that that whole different thing. Some people just run. They just run. That's true. That's one thing I just really can't respect, to be honest. If we're gonna be honest. Nah, facts, facts. You know, go ahead and take what you create and do what you're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_00: 3:42

Hey, figure it out, bro. Figure it out. Figure it out. Hey, I may sound weird on a lighter note. None of y'all were raised by the music. I mean, yeah, nah. Music played a big role in me. I I I just admit it, I ain't understand sex or learn about sex to the music. Yeah, I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even going back before then, the Patty La Bells and all them. Now, she had a little freak on her now. Nah, for sure, for sure. But it was a lot of them back then. The Isley brothers, number one on my list.

SPEAKER_02: 4:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 4:15

Um, so many temptations, all them, they taught me about sex love. Not saying it was right, but that's what taught me. And then I had to do trial and error. Yeah, yeah. My dad played a big role, but I think he only taught me based on what he knew.

SPEAKER_02: 4:30

Yeah, correct.

SPEAKER_00: 4:31

And so my goal as a father, and as I get older, is hey, I want to learn from what he did right, but I also want to learn from what he did wrong. Right, right. And I can't base my circumstances on how I'm gonna raise my children. Like, I gotta understand right from wrong. I gotta understand the ways in which are best for my children and to go forward. But music played a big role in my life. Uh, yeah, you should be able to do it. And that's why I really think about that. I really know I hate when I hear people say, oh, music doesn't control you, and nobody should worry about the explicit content and stuff. Like, kids out here committing crime and banging and doing all this stuff because of the music first. Like, these are their idols, these are their role models. Yeah. And it plays a it plays a role in your life in more ways than one. So I'm gonna just be real. I learned sex from music. I know videos. It's probably why I wasn't that good at it in the beginning. That BET I cut showed you some things.

SPEAKER_01: 5:23

Nah, I learned sex from when the TV went shhh. And you remember you can make out some scenes? No. You don't remember that? No. You remember that?

SPEAKER_02: 5:30

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_01: 5:32

Dang.

SPEAKER_02: 5:33

Help me out here. You kinda gotta kinda squint. You gotta squint real hard at that. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, they go, uh, okay. I didn't know.

SPEAKER_00: 5:39

I don't know what y'all talking about, man.

SPEAKER_01: 5:41

Bro, back in the day, before cable. You did what? Bro, you could turn the TV to like 99 or something, and then it's just like shh, but it really be like a block, like come on, you know. Now I'm lost, bro. We'll catch you up, man. Yeah, I need to love it.

SPEAKER_02: 5:54

But what about I know I know you had the memoria hand set on a channel to go back.

unknown: 5:58

No.

SPEAKER_02: 5:58

So as soon as you hear something, you hit that channel and it go back to Nickelodeon, but you know something.

SPEAKER_00: 6:03

How did you live, bro? I don't know. I did a lot of Legos and the stuff like that. Okay. Like every Saturday, Sunday, I was at Auntie's house and we played the records and cleaned the house and did all that. And then as I got older, I understood what James Brown and then was talking about.

SPEAKER_02: 6:21

Like, yeah, you start really listening to it and really.

SPEAKER_00: 6:24

I love this TV stuff, man. I had a lot of videos and stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 6:27

But this was before, this was the beginning. I have no clue. I'm too young. Too young. I wasn't around all the same things. And don't worry about it. We let them slide with that.

SPEAKER_00: 6:36

But what else, what else, who else raised you? Come on, you gotta think outside the box besides our parents. What really brought us here? You gotta say the streets. We gotta talk about Atlanta. Yeah, this city raised us. Yeah, it had a lot of influence on us, man. Absolutely. I still remember calling people Unk and Big Bru and all that.

SPEAKER_02: 6:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 6:55

And it had it weighed a lot on me, bro. Like what I did, I mean the bad decisions, especially. Yeah. Going in the streets, ain't no reason I should have been selling drugs and doing all that. Yeah. Had no reason to. Right, right, right. But we thought that was a cool thing to do. It was cool. We thought that was really gonna make us rich. And then I got older and I understood I can make twice as much going to college, three, four times as much going to college, getting an education, or just working a real job. Right. But that's not fun. It's not fun. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01: 7:24

When you're on is fun, not glorified. But when you're young, you just want to do stuff that's fun. But it ain't worth it. But even the stuff they do now, I don't even think it's fun. That button different. They do look depressed.

SPEAKER_00: 7:36

They look real depressed. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: 7:38

I think the music ain't as good.

SPEAKER_00: 7:40

I can't the music changed. Definitely, man. The music changed. For sure. It's the it's depressing, man. All this music is depressing. Right, like Billy Irish. Billy Irish is the beast. Billy, what's up, babe? Look. Um, but nah, man, like I think we had a lot of factors and what raised us. And I think what what do you want to make sure besides you? Because you can't do everything. Yeah. And your kids like, what do you think are some good influence or what do you want to see your kids learning from? Um, that's a tough question.

SPEAKER_01: 8:10

No, it's not super tough, but I'm just thinking about things that I experienced. Like, I remember when as I got older, I got into like, I don't know if y'all ever heard of like Toastmasters. Yeah, for sure. Okay, so Toastmasters follow you that don't know is like a group of people. It's a group, it's a club based off like oratorical skills, learning how to speak. Usually free, right? Usually, yeah, definitely. Usually in the community, uh, usually free. Or you can learn how to do speeches and and communicate better, and it's for everybody. And I think that I met a lot of like good people, good networking people who just want to see me win and wanted me to better myself, and so I think uh Toastmasters is a good route. You know, maybe YMCA. Yeah, YMCA places like that.

SPEAKER_00: 8:56

It's not as crowded and as popular as it used to be, but it's still a good resource.

SPEAKER_02: 9:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 9:00

I can tell you what I'm scared of is that AI. AI. I'm scared. AI. Like, have y'all heard the cases about the kids who literally committed suicide because AI told them to? No, I ain't heard that one. That's a real thing. Yeah. Like they got close with the AI character, however, you do it. I talked to uh uh, what's the name? Chat GPT, but that's to try to get. I kill ChatGPT for everything. But these kids are got on AI creative friends, habitual kill they sell those. Like that's not good. And that's scary. It is you gotta have that balance with your kids, like from reality versus So you think it's dehumanizing us? It is. You don't have to think as much. I mean, they even say statistically, like you use less of your brain when you integrate so much with Chat GBT and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_01: 9:46

So you think there's a lesson to be learned on doing things the simple way?

SPEAKER_00: 9:50

Yeah, it's definitely less it makes everything so much easier though, bro.

SPEAKER_02: 9:55

I'm not disputing you.

SPEAKER_00: 9:56

I'm just it makes it easier, but at the same time, you're not exercising your mind. But is everything supposed to be easy? No, it's not. Your mind is a muscle, man. If you're not exercising it, then what are you doing? You gotta exercise your brain, right? Right. That's what I'm that's what I'm thinking. And like you said, everything's not supposed to be easy. Like, are you gonna appreciate something that just comes without the work? Right.

SPEAKER_03: 10:19

No.

SPEAKER_00: 10:20

Don't think so, do you?

SPEAKER_03: 10:21

No.

SPEAKER_00: 10:22

No. I mean, it's just real. It's it's so much. We talk about our childhood and what we went through and what what shaped us. And I think it's always a debate who had it easier. Like, yeah, yeah. I don't necessarily feel that they have it easier now. Because it's so much more on the emotional and mental side of things that kids is breaking down.

SPEAKER_02: 10:44

Like social media. True. We like I can't imagine us having social media like that back in the day. Like I'd probably be rich, but I mean, you say that now, but you gotta think back then, like having access to all those things that they have access to now. We was already out the change. So you thinking now you got Instagram, you can you can face Facebook and all like we have none of that. What do we have? My space?

SPEAKER_00: 11:08

Yeah. We still have time on my space.

SPEAKER_01: 11:11

You know, you know the biggest problem I feel with like just talking about having kids and stuff like that is they can never move forward, right? Okay, say they get into an altercation, right? They get into a fight at school. You're supposed to be able to learn from that, move forward from it, right? But now with social media, you gotta keep reliving these moments over and over again. You go viral as a rap. You go viral when you could just move on to the next obstacle or whatever. Because there's no shame in it.

SPEAKER_02: 11:40

Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01: 11:40

That's what creates the trauma though, is the reliving it part. Because how trauma works is at some point you gotta let it go. Yeah. But you can't let it go if it's always throwing in your face. See, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02: 11:51

Like for us back in the day, like we got to a fight. Like, you fight that day, and tomorrow nobody remembers. Like, you know what I'm saying? You might talk about it for a second. Talk about it for a day or two, whatever. But it's over.

SPEAKER_01: 12:00

Then it's over with. Now, it's never over. You know what I'm saying? You had a million views and everybody.

SPEAKER_00: 12:07

We've been through COVID. Yeah. Yeah. We've been through certain presidency, I don't want to really talk about the scary 9-11. What else we've been through?

SPEAKER_02: 12:17

A lot, bro.

SPEAKER_00: 12:18

We've been through a lot of different things. A new uh like century. Yeah. We've lived in how many decades? Like, that's pretty much four decades. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 12:28

Almost. Almost. Almost four decades. Don't put no more extra years on that.

SPEAKER_00: 12:32

I mean, it's just a lot we've dealt with just being this age, man. And I think it's a lot we've had to deal with, but it's never been this intense where something can really replace everything we're doing and thinking. And and just so much playing on our mental. Like so, how do we combat that? I try to keep the kids away from the the devices as much as I can. Like, I still believe in the old school, getting outside, playing, yeah, you know, being active.

SPEAKER_02: 13:01

Do you do you have a cap on, say, social media, like what age? You know what I'm saying? Nah, you can't have one until you're this old.

SPEAKER_00: 13:08

I control the baby stuff. The the twins don't have one either. So the 10-year-olds, the 16-year-old got one, and we took that from her because she knows how to get it. She's on there posting face pictures and clothes, like stuff I don't agree with. I'm not saying she's half naked or nothing, no, but you can tell that men are paying attention to what they shouldn't be. So we had to take that away.

SPEAKER_02: 13:31

And that's different, and I don't know I know it's a little different with girls, but even with my boys, like, especially with like we did the sports, uh, social media and all that stuff. I had access to that. Like somebody DM'd them or did something, I can see it. Right. You know what I'm saying? So I can kind of modify or or catch something, if somebody sent something that you want, you know what I'm saying? Right. Then once they got to a certain age, like high school, all right. Now I'm I'm interesting you to be able to handle this in a respectful way and responsible, responsible way to use your social media, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But I for me, you just gotta be at least have access to that because too many crazy things going on in social media. It's true.

SPEAKER_00: 14:09

Well, I think the biggest lesson to learn is don't let technology raise your kids, man. That's the biggest thing I'm learning. I like that. I had a lot of people, you know, who made, who raised me, who made me, whatever you may say. But that came from my parents, that came from the streets, that came from so many other places. Good music, good, helpful cartoons. Like I watched some educational. Like Arthur. Arthur Made School Bus. I learned SpongeBob. Reading rainbow is good. Reading Rainbow was good. Yeah. Reading Rainbow was a good. But today we gotta we gotta really watch what's going on with technology. We gotta really be in control of what's going on. We can't control them to the T and we can't be overprotective and all that. But we just gotta watch who's raising your kids these days, man. Because it's scary out here, man. It is.

SPEAKER_02: 14:57

And I can't forget to mention my grandfather. We call him Papa. Like he had like he had a very big influence on like all of us. Like that's where we change brakes and like he taught us the little things like that. Like he was really a major figure in our life. So uh that's even that's just say like our older generation, like you know, not just dads, but it like grandma, granddad, like they really had a good feel of to what we were doing and had a good hand in raising us and molding us into being men too.

SPEAKER_00: 15:28

We gotta get back to that, man. The village. Well, I think we've said it before, like just keep it simple. Raising our kids the right way, man. We've gotten too lax, we've gotten too busy with other stuff. We don't trust each other. Yeah, that's that's a big one. That's another one. We don't trust each other. And we wonder where that starts from. Blame it on social media too. Like, people do each other's business too much. All you can do is go TikTok and find out what you need to know. So you don't really need that. We don't know what's real or what's fake, man. That's true. Like so much misinformation, disinformation, whatever that's out there, it's just scary, man. Yeah. But it's just good to pop that open. Like, yeah, yeah. How we were re-raised and how were our kids, how are our kids being raised now, man? It's a big difference. I'm not saying one is better than the other, but it's a big difference.

SPEAKER_02: 16:16

It is, it is, it is. And like we said earlier, it's like it's layers to it. So, you know, you could you can kind of open this book up and talk chapters about it, right?

SPEAKER_00: 16:24

Right. So, what do y'all think? Check in, check in with us, tune in with us. All of our information is below. Uh if you want to hear what y'all have to say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 16:35

Leave comments, leave comments, leave ideas, something you want to hear talk about, you know, you know, when we open all that. You got a tip for us today? Yeah. Okay. I always got a tip for that. We always got a tip. We we all leave like always.

SPEAKER_01: 16:49

Today's tip is going to kind of piggyback off of what we were talking about today, about the social media. Don't be afraid to be nosy. Yeah. Parents are afraid. They're afraid to be nosy. Hey, look at the guys. Working through you again. My kid gonna hate me if they catch me. Man, what? Man, you would rather catch something early. Right, than have to deal with something later. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. So just prepare yourself, prepare them for what potentially could happen. Right. And ain't nothing wrong with being nosy. I mean, I come from the era where you lock that door, your parent might unscrew the whole door. Shut the whole door off. Take the whole door off. Yep. So we need to get back to that, man.

SPEAKER_00: 17:34

They don't hold it. There we go. For real. They don't get no, ain't no problem. Taking doors. Taking doors. Yeah. Whatever. Absolutely. Go over through your drawers. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 17:46

It's not for them to understand. Our job is to keep them safe. One of our jobs. One of them.

SPEAKER_00: 17:51

They don't have to understand it. You hear that, babe. I hope my daughter watched. They co-signing. They do it too. Yeah, it takes you might get the door back. I don't know. We might what you did, but. Hey, fit check. What you got, bro? Let me. Alright. You know, my baby Billy Eilish stuff on. These are my most comfortable pants. I start wearing these when I travel sometimes. They look comfortable, man. You don't know about comfortable. They look very bet you won't guess$10 old Navy. Nice. Bam. Same thing. I wear bamboo tees now. I don't wear just the regular Ts. You go for the quality. Those are made quality. I think they are. But I wear them bamboo t-shirts. And yeah, that's about it. I never talk about my watch. This band came from Pops. For he calls his red, black, and green. So I gotta throw that in there.

SPEAKER_01: 18:38

I'm going with my dad, my grandpa New Balances again. I'm gonna go with the Nirvana shirt because um I recently was reading some, you know, about like Buddhism and Nirvana's the highest level of consciousness. So actually, this is from the band though, but that's what it works. No, no, no, no, no. I just like the color scheme. Um That's it. It matched the hat. You know, always rocking my beats that Thomas Mom gave us. I think this is gonna be a thing. I'm gonna wear it, wear them every episode. For sure. For good luck. For sure. You know.

SPEAKER_02: 19:10

Hey, you know I went Dion Primetime. Okay I mean, prime time Dion. Nice uh Nike pants, nice little shirt to match with it, you know. And I'm always have a hat on, you know. Yeah. Just to keep it, keep it cool, keep it smooth. Keep it cool, keep it smooth. Keep it cool, keep it smooth.

SPEAKER_00: 19:26

We don't have another dad spotlight today besides ourselves. Shout out to y'all.

SPEAKER_01: 19:30

Hey, man. Shout out to me.

SPEAKER_00: 19:31

Hey, man. Shout out to me. Doing our thing the best way we know how. But as we say all the time, ain't no manual to this. It ain't one. It ain't one. We're doing it the best way we know how. Ain't no manual podcast. Y'all help us figure it out, though.